This was the morning that you told me you loved me.
on top of that i have to make cake for my dad tomorrow and give my dogs a bath and clean out there kennels, and because of this incident, i want to throw out everything the mouse came in contact with. also it peed on my floor. also fuck.
I am so goddamm depressed and anxious right now. I shouldn’t be awake. but there was a fucking mouse in my room and i couln’t let it touch me. and the only way to ensure that was the eliminate it. Which meant a nearly 8 hour vigil with my useless cats, and my useless self. I hate myself. also i had to flush the fucking thing down the toilet once I got the guts to catch it through a shirt. it was horrible. i feel like a terribel, terrible person for killing it but i had no other option…….i’m not even tired now, but i feel sick and faint and my heart hurt briefly before, and early in the night i started hyperventalaitng, and i’m still afraid to touch anything ‘cause i tink it’s gonna be the mouse.
also I miss you so fucking bad. I wish you were here to make everything better. i miss you i miss you i miss you.. :c
there are certain books I’m afraid to read because of the emotions and I can’t handle them. And I usually end up comparing my life to the characters and realizing how sad I am. this is a terrible thing. but I want to read certain books anyway……